Internal Monologue – Haircut Edition

It’s my first time at this salon. The Internet says it’s good, so it shouldn’t be horrible. Oh no, there’s no one else here, am I too early for my appointment? Thank God, my stylist is here. She seems like a nice Asian lady. I only trust Asians with my hair. Sorry, non-Asian stylists, no offense. This is actually a nice salon, not what I would expect just from looking at the outside. I’m digging this color scheme. Oh wait, time for me to get in the chair now. Which picture from my Pinterest board should I use to show her how I want my hair? This one? Nope. This one? Not quite. Fine, this one. What?! She barely glanced at it and she knows right away what I want? Okay, lady. If you screw it up, I’m not going to be nice.

Cut first, wash later? Okay. I can roll with that. Hmm.. that OK! magazine looks disgustingly interesting. Are Brad and Angelina really trying to have more kids? Okay, lady. I know my hair is super dry. Stop berating me about it. You sound like my Asian tiger mom. Dayum, Gisele  Bundchen looks good after having two babies. Why can’t I ever get abs like that? And still keep my boobs? Life is not fair. Lady, I hate to break it to you, but I really don’t like talking while I’m getting a haircut, but I’ll indulge you. Is that mean? Whatever. Oh my God. How much hair are you chopping off???? I know I said I wanted layers, but really?? Is that necessary? Now I’m scared. Okay, finally done. I can’t tell how it looks yet. My hair is still parted down the center. I look like a Taiwanese middle school student. Actually, this is how I looked in middle school. Ick, I am never going back to a center part. No way.

Yay, shampoo time! Mmmmm, this shampoo smells good. Like eucalyptus. Wait, were any koalas killed in the making of this shampoo?  I hope not. They’re so cute. I want a koala. Actually no, I want a puppy. Or maybe just a hamster. I’ll settle for a hamster. OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THIS CONDITIONER? Spearmint? It’s so cold. But in a good way. Ahhhhh… So nice. It’s so hot outside. Ooh, the water makes it even cooler.

Hmm… back in the chair again. Now I just look like a wet dog. A sleepy wet dog. I’ve fallen asleep getting haircuts before. Definitely very awkward. Keep it together, Joan! Actually, this haircut doesn’t look half bad when it’s dry. I actually like it a lot. Whatcha doing with that flat iron there? Oh, okay. This could take a while. Now it seems flatter than what I had originally envisioned but I could work with this. Wow, this was kind of different than what I first had in mind, but it look super awesome. And it feels so light! Wheeee. The more I look at it, the more I like it. Expensive haircut, but worth it. Here’s a nice tip for you!

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